Reaching Across the Aisle

by Mike Curley and John Freudenberg

The following s a conversation, word for
word, punctuation mark for punctuation
mark, all misspellings and bad jokes
included. That took Place entirely via cell
phone text messaging.

July 27, 2008
J: 10:21:40
Have u heard about how many people
drowned on Li. on Saturday?
M: 10:22
Yeah! Like 4! No shark attacks tho… I
never touched the water.
Don’t forget, 3 of em were at Coney
Island, n u’ve gotta be a fuckin
douchetard to swim there.
J: 10:24
It’s 4 drowned, 3 missing. Was the surf
crazier than the rough day we went?
M: 10:25
No, it’s pussy. Just most of em, were at
Coney Island, land of gunshot wounds n
drowning death wishes
J: 10:30
i died in Long Beach, 10-yr old giri.
Coìiey Island (1 missing), Fri i dead, i
missing. I dead at Sand Bar Beach in
Lake Grove and i in East Quogue. They
died fi-orn rip currents. Remember how I
said to get out of L hnun?
M: 10:39
Pff They’re too much FUN to get out loi.
But I guess 7 people might clissagree
hahaha
J: 10:40
They can’t disagree
d L L
M: 11:26
Very true. They’d prolly say “It seemed
like a good idea at the time”.
J: 11:28
.or “I didn’t listen to that know-it-all
liberal who tried to explain that u swim
parallel to the shore to get out of a rip!”
M: 11:29
Pff. That know-it-all liberal would’ve
just nationalized riptides, then
EVERYONE would’ve died equally
J: 11:31
U meant to say “lived equally”. Death is
what happens when u elect a
conservative to oversee riptide
administration (or pretty much any
admin for that matter)
M: 11:33
Pash. There would’ve been toe mitch
beaurocratic red tape. It would’ve taken
everyone 3 years to die.
J: 11:34
Ur right, cons are much more effIcient at
death!
M: 11:34
That’s why we’re all NRA members.
J: 11:36
arid love war. no matter how
unnecessary!
M: 11:42
War is always necessary. Omice the rest
of the world shuts the fuck up n stops
killing each other, we can foim a unified
world gov’t, build the Starship
Enterprise. form an alliance with the

Vulcans, and all be killed by the Borg.
It’ll all work out in the end.
J: 11:45
U don’t work it out in the end, u work it
out in the beginning!
M: 11:47
I was gonna say ‘I work ur morn out in
the end, but it doesn’t fit in her case,
since she digs girls.
J: 11:48
Mother jokes don’t have the same bite
because we’re related, knucklehead!
M: 11:50
Pft the less sense they make, the more
effective they are. Much like our %7
approved Coness iioring the fact that
%74 percent of ALL Americans want
more domestic drilling.
J: 11:53
Actually, most Americans want us off
dependency on foreign oil. The biased
study which shows favorability for
drilling asked leading questions which
didn’t explain that drilling in ANWR
would only lower the price of a barrel 50
cents in, drum roll please. 10 YEARS!
M: 11:54
It didn’t explain ur morn, either. That’s
the biggest crock of liberal elephant shit
I’ve ever heard. Next u’ii tell me that
global warnung i.s REAL!!! Hahahaha
J: 11:56
U’ve gotta ask who wants it and why
they’re trying to nianipulate people into
believing that drilling would be a GOOD
thing. Bush admin Energy Dept Study:
www .rnsnbc.rnsncom/jdJ4542853
M: 11:58
They studied ur morn. My less-thaneloquent
republican friend says to go
fuck urseif hahaha
J: 11:59
Tell him that I don’t have to, the
Republicans have already flicked us all!
M: 12:10
Ur mom,, oh, forget it,
J: 12:12
Also, tell him that’s about the upperlevel
boundary of intellectual capability
that I’d expect of someone who would
even consider voting for a Republican!
M: 12:20
Yeah, we require our candidates to not
be racist fucktards, be able to speak
coherently without teleprompters,
actually have concrete iolicies on how
they will run the country, and, God
forbid, have some flicking real-time
governmental experience, other than
voting not Yes or No on bills, but merely
“PRESENT”, nearly 130 times during
three years in state senate.
J: 13:49
Isn’t it ironic that Republicans start
caring about race when the Derns
nominate a black guy? Has there. ever
been a serious Republican minority
candidate?
M: 13:52
Plenty in Congress, Senate. the
SUPREME FUCKING COURT, if that
slipped ur liberal mind for a moment,
J: 14:13
Plenty? PLENTY? Bro, if that’s not the
clearest example of Republican
ignorance… There have been a total of 3
black Senators,,. Obama is one of them.
d LLÜ CN ÜO 6

M: 14:14
Pff, tir meuf s omie of em. U skipped
Congress, State Senate, State Supreme
Court, State Governorship..
J: 14:15
There. are 43 members of the House - all
are Democrats. There are Hispaniesin
Congress - 23 are Dems.
M: 14:17
And blacks? Which was our Point?
J: 14:18
If proportional population representation
was occurring, there should be at least
70 members in Congress.
M; 14:19
Ur mom’s not proportional.
J: 14:26
The point is that ur party confuses the
facts repeatedly and obstinately. Obarna
is the candidate who has actually worked
outside of gov’t and at different levels.
McCain has been a career gov’t worker.
McCain is a blathering idiot with or
w/out a prompter and the candidate who
was one of a very few scunibags who
voted against aMLK holiday!
M: 14:29
Pff. Outside the gov’t, as in n00000
experience within it. And at least I’m
respectful, to go so far as to say McCain
is a “blathering idiot” is waaaay extreme
for a man of his caliber and service
record. And yes, that vote was a
mistake, but 20 years of attending a
blatantly racist church and a lifetime of
hanging out with and befriending anti-
American terrorists doesn’t count I
guess. Vote Democrat,
J: 14:32
“Blathering idiot” was the kindest
description I could conte U with. Do u
realize how many times McCain has
botched major facts in his off-the-cuff
speeches? And there u go again. The.
facts don’t support the former Marine
Rev. Wright as a racist nor do they
support his associations with an “anti-
American terrorist”.
M: 14:34
Have u listened to ur Obamination
stutter and blither and sound like a
flicking unprepared douche-factory
whenever his speech-writer takes five to
go to the bathroom?
J: 14:34
But I understand McCairj, When u have
very little to work with, u have to make
shit up in order to survive.
M: 14:36
Association: William Ayres. Wright:
“The U.S. of KKX” and “I say God
damn America, God damn America”,
Obama himself: “The White Man’s
greed”, I see ur point about having very
little to work with.
J: 14:36
Has lie ever claimed that Iran (Shia) was
training A.l-Qaeda (Sunni) telTorists and
had to be corrected by Joe. Lieberman?
Has lie ever claimed that the Anbar
Awakening was a result of the Surge,
which happened two months later?
M: 14:37
.Alìh, but Obarna says that the Surge
bdidnt work”, and THEN says let’s use
E H LU C11\ VEL 6 nv

the Surge in the REAL epicenter of the
war, our ally AFGHANISTAN.
Douche-miner.
J: 14:38
Rev. Wright was actually quoting the
words of a white man when he said that,
but hey, what’s context to your party
anyway when you can just be boldly
ignorant?!
M: 14:38
We learned it by watching Gore!! While
we’re at it, let’s boldly ignore the
William Ayi-es thing, but hey, omission
and ignorance is the name of the
Democrat game.
J: 14:40
Ayi-es has very little to no association
w/Obama except that they both
WORKED at the saine place and Ayres
lived fairly close-by. How should we
judge u in relation to the people u’ve
worked with and lived close to?
M: 14:41
They are “good friends” according to
both men, who claimed that very thing.
Try again, but this time, with
feeeeeeeeeling. And I don’t live near or
associate with any terrorists, so judge
away.
J: 14:43
At no time did Obama EVER claim to be
“close” friends with Ayres. And u
worked :for Pakistanis that were raided
by the FBI, knucklehead. A very strong
circumstantial case could be made that u
cavort w/ anti-American terrorists.
M:14:45
Ahh, but they WEREN’T terrorists, just
really, really unskilled thieves. Not so
strong a case now, is it, silly liberal
man?
J: 14:48
But the point is that that’s the way nr
party works. The truth means nothing.
That’s how u try to knock down a
candidate like Obama. Appearances are
what matter, not the truth.
M: 14:49
It’s so easy to knock him down when he
veers wildly left and right, varying his
opinions lazily in the breeze, alienating
his party’s pinko-coniinie base, isn’t?
Let’s vote for him!! Of course!! He’s
Pretty and he’s black!! Solidity of views
and experience be damned!!
J: 14:52
.Alright, let’s just get the myth of
Obama’s lack of experience out of the
way 1u, Obaina went to Columbia and
Harvard, has beei a community
organizer and civil iights attorney, has
taught at the Univ. of Chicago Law
School (12 years), and has worked in
state gov’t for 7 years. And he’s been in
the Senate for 3 years. He also briefly
worked in private indus-y, as well as
having travelled around the world and
being multi-ethnic, I’d say that he’s
more than qualified to be Pres.
M: 15:00
It’s gotta be the drugs. They’re bad for
u, u know. Btw, he never tried ONE
case as a “Civil rights attorney”. Just
so’s ya know. Yay Harvard Law
Review, Don’t forget how he voted
merely “Present” nearly 130 times in
State Senate, Vote for change.
J: 15:20
d L L vEL LÛÛ

Btw, ii may want to check on MeCain’s
record on missed votes b4 u speak about
Obama’s. McCain lias missed 719 since
1993, and lias missed the most in
Congress despite the fact that he had the
nomination wrapped up b4 Obarna.
M: 15:29
Oh wow, since 1993? That’s 15 years,
which means at Obama’ s rate of voting
only PRESENT (not even mentioning Or
Counting votes lie’s simply MISSED), lie
will have voted only PRESENT 649
times, and again, not even counting the
number of times he doesn’t bother to
show UI). Vote for the future.
J: 15:47
A simple fact of the Senate is that
Senators seem to miss a majority of
votes when they’re not in D.C. - LE
WHEN THEY’RE RUNNING FOR
PIRES.!! Just a useless fact, especially
when a single party controls the whole
shooting match!
M: 15:48
Yeah, those Derns r bitches, ain’t they?
So ur implying that he’s been running
for Pres. For over three years? That’s a
l000000oong run. Seemed like it took
him that long to finally take out I{illaiy
in the primary, too.
J: 15:49
What didn’t u understand about MeCain
missing more than anyone in Congress?
M: 15:50
I would too, what with Pelosi n Reed
never letting anything useful thru, or
listening to reason. %7 approval rating!!
Yay!!
J: 15:52
I fully agree with you on that - if only
they respected the majority of
Americans’ wishes,
And took up Rucinich’ impeachment
resolutions, we’d show some more
respect for the law - u hrnw, stuff the
Republicans are always blathering on
about.
M: 15:58
Haha, yeah, and then u’d have
PRES1DENT DARTH CHENEY for 4
months!! Runnin’ around inventjn’ new
security clearances and nuking countries
all willy-nilly n shit
J: 16:00
Actually, Kucinjch’ s resolutions are for
impeaching BOTH of the war criniinals
M: 16:01
Oh, he’s gonna impeach Qadafi and
Achmadinij ad?! That’s awesome!! I had
no idea the scope of America’s power
included the impeachnient of foreign
leaders!
M: 16:06 (again)
And not even a laugh? Those last two
txts were goddamned funny.
J: 16:18
I’m quitting smoking. I’m gonna just
listen to Rage and think of how they will
pay when I rule the world.
M: 16:19
And masturbate to Obama speeches?
J: 16:20
I’m still pondering all the ways…
M: 16:20
To kill Rage Against the Machine?
J: 16:21
LU C11\ 6

To kill the ignorant. .btw, u know
McCain’s an adulterer?
M: 16:23
And?
J: 16:24
Oh, I was waiting for the “family
values” condemnations, but I’m sorry, I
had u confused with another
conservative.
M: 16:25
Have you seen our family? Baba
J: 16:25
True, very true! A1right I laughed!
M: 16:27
I’m surprised I got no mention for the
Cheney txt. That was political humor
gold.
J: 16:28
Oh, and I thought u were finally being
serious, Now if u liad said making up
entire new branches of gov’t and
reinterpreting the constitution to suit
evil, I would’ve.., oh wait, he actually
did that.
M: 16:37
He truly is the LORD arjd MASTER!
J: 16:40
I am the Renegade of Funk!
M: 16:42
So’s ur mom.

Why are they so angry?

If I was constantly bombarded with the heaping shovels full of horse crap coming out of the mouths of people like Rush, Hannity, Savage, Valentine, Malkin, Coulter, Kristol, Krauthammer, Hume, etc., etc. I too may start believing that our rather moderate President is a communistic devil, the Democrats his evil minions and that the wicked darkness their doing.

I would say it also has to do with a political awakening for many of these people. For many years they have unwittingly sat back and accepted or even worse, endorsed those policies that have been destroying our country from the inside out i.e. the weakening of our civil, worker, environmental & human rights, deficits induced by tax policies that benefited the well-connected, socialism for the rich and corporate welfare.

The fact is there are many people out there that are getting left behind. They live in a reality they don’t understand and they’ve been raised with obstinate ideologies that use words like “ought” and “should,” which only leads them to find disappointment. They’ve also been taught to believe that change and different cultures should be feared; they’re losing “control” and they wish to return to a world that never was.

But the truth is that there has always been people like this. They have fought every progressive initiative this country has ever enacted and surprisingly the history shows that they have used almost identical methods. The GI bill and many of the benefits for soldiers and veterans, which have built the middle class and created the economy we have come to take for granted, was adopted despite their resistance and shouts of “socialism.” Government programs implemented by government bureaucrats like Medicare, Medicaid and nearly every piece of infrastructure in this country, as well as governmental mechanisms used to protect citizens and businesses alike, have had vicious resistance from “red” baiters.

These same people cheerfully endorsed policies like the invasion of Iraq (or Vietnam and Korea) which will cost this country blood, treasure (upwards of $3 trillion) and respect in the world - where’s their indignation? When Bush and the Republican party passed the multi-trillion dollar tax cut without offsetting the loss of revenue with a loss of services, where was the outrage? When they passed the deficit enhancing $1 trillion Medicare prescription drug benefit who was crying “socialism!” at the town hall?

Or take it a step deeper: when the Republicans failed to mobilize to end abortion, to add a constitutional amendment to prohibit gay marriage, or failed to put forth policies to reform the health care system for the 6 years when they had total control, who was putting together astroturf bus tours to stir up rage? These problems just didn’t happen overnight but rather have been neglected for decades and Republicans have offered us only more of the same.

Nobody who is a regular visitor to the Fox news channel or AM talk radio would believe this but when you get past their self-interested propaganda and look at what’s truly happening in this country, you may come to realize that the Democrats are acting patriotically by doing what hasn’t been done for so very long, in order to pull the cord on the parachute before we smack into the jagged bottom of the abyss. The rip cord is attached directly to health care and if you don’t like the size of the federal government, believe it is over-extended and takes too much of our hard earned money, than the behemoth that is health care spending in this country, whose yearly costs is equal to all the tax revenue that the federal government takes in in a year, you must conclude that we must radically reform it.

As for the tea baggers, they’ll shout and bitch and moan but despite their declarations that this is being “shoved down their throats” the reality is that Americans overwhelmingly support reform and being that all that is reaching them is disinformation about the proposals, we’re going to get it, whether they like it or not and believe it or not, it’ll be good for this country. Finally.

(Cover photo by Flickr user cosmocatalano used under a Creative Commons license.)